Sarah Kyle, MA, LMFT

couples therapy

I begin with the assumption that humans have an innate, healthy need for comfort and security in our relationships. From cradle to grave, we require emotional closeness and safety with others. I also believe that at the heart of all our most significant relationships, there lies two important questions:

Can I depend on you when I need you?

and

Do I matter to you?

When the answers to these questions become uncertain or muddled, this creates a great deal of fear and distress, internally and in our relationships.  

Much of the time, when a couple is having conflict or feeling disconnected, the problem is not about surface-level issues or even about communication techniques. It’s about much deeper emotions and needs, related to feeling emotionally unsafe, unwanted, or unseen. Additionally, we all bring ways of relating derived from our earliest relationships, and these old patterns may be re-enacted in our most intimate partnerships in ways that block deeper connection. For couples to move toward true healing and change, we must dive beneath the surface to access and explore what’s really going on for each partner.

My role in this work together is to help you slow down and observe your relationship dynamics in the moment, as well as to access and articulate the emotions that drive your behavior. Practically, this may involve identifying and navigating through conflict patterns, naming and expressing strong feelings, practicing reflective listening, identifying needs for safety and connection, and addressing your relationship history, including areas that have contributed to distance, hurt, or disappointment. I will also encourage you to find ways to play and have fun together, which is equally important in the work of healing and re-connection.

Theoretically, I draw primarily from Emotionally Focused Couple’s Therapy, which is rooted in attachment theory. I also integrate theories from Bowenian Family Therapy (particularly the need for differentiation, even in our most intimate relationships) and the Gottman Method to guide my work with couples. I work with couples of all sexual orientation/identities.

Read more about my overall approach to therapy, for both couples and individuals, here.